April Fool’s Day Resolutions

Dürer's (probably) "Ship of Fools" from Brandt's tome of the same name.
Dürer’s (probably) “Ship of Fools” from Brandt’s tome of the same name.


  • I’m going to buy more bottles of $100+ whisky because they must all be worth it.
  • I’m going to start smoking cigars, because all that smoke really enhances one’s sense of taste and takes the edge off all those young $100+ whiskies.
  • I’m going to use Twitter more because it’s so productive, and because the company itself is doing WONDERFUL things for San Francisco.
  • I’m going to stop keeping all my money in a spirit safe because shit gets wet in there.
  • I’m not going to buy any more whisky books because, obviously, one can’t drink a book.
  • I’m going to read more whisky blogs just because.
  • I’m going to stop pretending that I can smell and taste all those different things in whisky because, as everyone knows, all those different things are not actually in whisky.
  • I’m going to buy more booze in Minnesota on Sundays.
  • I’m going to spend more time on whisky auction sites, because old whisky always tastes better whether it actually does or not.
  • I’m going to drink more whisky because of the health benefits I saw reported in such respected medical publications as Buzzfeed and The Luxury Spot.
  • I’m going to leave bottles open, taste them periodically, and then write a review when I think the whisky has really oxidized well because what the whisky is supposed to taste like and what I want it to taste like shouldn’t really be mutually exclusive…or should it?
  • I’m going to drink more hand-crafted spirits because I love the taste of hand.
  • I’m going to calibrate my palate more because it sounds dirty in a hunky-soiled-mechanic-meets-unfulfilled-housewife kind of way.
  • I’m going to start including more animal facts and Carl Sagan quotes in all my posts because…actually, I might really do this one.
  • I’m going to not write an April Fool’s Day post next year, because I keep putting them off to the last minute and frankly, I’m all out of ideas.

Eh, fuck it, I’m gonna go for a bike ride.


2 thoughts on “April Fool’s Day Resolutions

  1. LOL best one was that you were going on a bike ride. Too old for that and isn’t it still winter in Scand…er…Minnesota?

    BTW – beautiful sunrise behind the GGB riding in this morning. Twitter is looking for some community managers.

    1. Read the Strava and weep, my chubby friend. 73 degrees and sunny, though the stiff breeze off the still-frozen, small bodies of water they call lakes here cooled things off a bit.

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