• I’m going to buy more bottles of $100+ whisky because they must all be worth it.
• I’m going to start smoking cigars, because all that smoke really enhances one’s sense of taste and takes the edge off all those young $100+ whiskies.
• I’m going to use Twitter more because it’s so productive, and because the company itself is doing WONDERFUL things for San Francisco.
• I’m going to stop keeping all my money in a spirit safe because shit gets wet in there.
• I’m not going to buy any more whisky books because, obviously, one can’t drink a book.
• I’m going to read more whisky blogs just because.
• I’m going to stop pretending that I can smell and taste all those different things in whisky because, as everyone knows, all those different things are not actually in whisky.
• I’m going to buy more booze in Minnesota on Sundays.
• I’m going to spend more time on whisky auction sites, because old whisky always tastes better whether it actually does or not.
• I’m going to drink more whisky because of the health benefits I saw reported in such respected medical publications as Buzzfeed and The Luxury Spot.
• I’m going to leave bottles open, taste them periodically, and then write a review when I think the whisky has really oxidized well because what the whisky is supposed to taste like and what I want it to taste like shouldn’t really be mutually exclusive…or should it?
• I’m going to drink more hand-crafted spirits because I love the taste of hand.
• I’m going to calibrate my palate more because it sounds dirty in a hunky-soiled-mechanic-meets-unfulfilled-housewife kind of way.
• I’m going to start including more animal facts and Carl Sagan quotes in all my posts because…actually, I might really do this one.
• I’m going to not write an April Fool’s Day post next year, because I keep putting them off to the last minute and frankly, I’m all out of ideas.

Eh, fuck it, I’m gonna go for a bike ride.